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BROWNIES + CHORIZO + EMMENTAL + SUNDRIED TOMATO

I'm having a little bit of a motivation crisis. I can't focus on work. I can't focus on personal projects. I have a shit ton of free time these days, and I tooootally don't make good use of it. I'm a classic combination of undisciplined, unmotivated, and my life lacks all structure or time management. Even my beloved sandwich blog, which I usually bury myself in in times of chaos or "other" is seeing the neglect I've been affording every other area of my life. As I've kind of alluded to in recent posts, all these sandwiches were shot in my old apartment, which I left 3 months ago now. I haven't shot anything new since, and I'm running out of backlog.

Why does this happen to so many of us? And why am I so prone to fall into this feedback loop of decreasing impetus? I've always found inspiration, and interest to be the strongest motivating forces, so when I find myself wading into the oblivion of blurred together days, I don't wonder too much, "Why the lack of momentum?"

How to balance this though? I feel so much pressure here to be doing, making, earning. It can get very overwhelming, and the artistic overachievers all around me don't seem to help. Toronto is such an ambitious place. It's no New York or London, but it's stressful to find yourself not doing much of anything. Excuse me while I reminisce again about my time in France.

THE LAZY SUNDAY smoked salmon + eggs benedict + cream cheese + french toast

So you know when it's a Sunday, and you're not in a particular rush to eat, but when you do, you want it to be ALL OF THE THINGS!!!!!!(?) Well this is the ultimate glutton brunch sandwich, like, legit. Double decker smoked salmon, cream cheese, egg benedict, ON FRENCH TOAST. For those Sundays you wake up with a negligible hangover, but a total aversion to leaving your house and seeing any more damn people this weekend, well at least until you've had a good alone-time date with this food mountain. The philosophy behind it: foods that you love, and would happily eat on their own; throw them together. Then eat it in your underwear while reviewing tinder instagram shenanigans from Saturday night and definitely not wondering if you're going to be alone forever food will always be your one true love. The answer is yes, so make it count.

THE MILE END cream cheese + cucumber + cranberry sourdough

Oh man, so I've been thinking about moving to Montreal for ages. Like, years. It's been hanging over my head for so long, especially every time I have to move apartments, and I have to move apartments in 6 weeks. It's not my dream city, but Montreal has a lot going for it. The atmosphere is so much more relaxed, and the apartments are so big, and sunny, and half the price they would be in Toronto. The music scene is definitely decent. I could live in Mile End, and walk up the mountain every week. I could buy wine at the corner store until 11!!! (Toronto peeps, you know how it is). But the main reason is something I learned a few years ago, when I relocated actually way further than a $30 Megabus away, and that is; always keep moving. Every time I make a mental pro and cons list for moving to Montreal, the pro list trumps the con list, no contest. It's not even that I like it better than Toronto, 'cause I don't, but I strongly believe there's more to be gained in being somewhere new, than you could ever lose from the experience. Almost no hardship I could imagine of building a new life somewhere wouldn't be overshadowed with the inherent reward therein. And so, I feel pretty sure I should just fucking do it already, before it becomes something I just talk about, and never do. But for some reason, I don't feel very brave about it at the moment. 

THE BREAKFAST BOMB scrambled eggs + french toast

So I think we can all agree breakfast is the best meal of the day. At least up until that point in the day. And it's becoming pretty clear from this blog I have a predilection for breakfast sandwiches. Just think about it, you finally peel yourself out of bed, hazy, and stiff, and having to face the world, and get shit done? Well, I need a little more convincing than that. So first thing I do, tends to be putting on some tea or coffee, and getting to work giving myself a real reason to be awake, and for me, that is food.

EL PRÍNCIPE grilled chicken + green chilli peppers + avocado + lime

Happy Sunday everyone. It's summer, it's the weekend, and it necessarily follows that TACOS. Yea. I used to think there was a giant lack of tacos in Toronto. I mean, they're probably not as ubiquitous as in uhh... American North American cities (big duh @Mexico), but lately, they've been popping up everywhere. Our new influx of food trucks, and like 5 dedicated specialty taco joints in Parkdale alone, those Korean-taco fusion wine bars, in addition to all the authentically Mexican restaurants in the Market, and Bloordale, not to mention backyards, rooftop patios, balcony barbecues, tacos are taking over! They're taking over my heart. And rightly so, I think they've officially charmed their way into my food philosophy as one of the most perfect foods in existence. Hell, on rooftop taco hangouts round two, I made sincere claims I would ditch this sandwich ship, and run a taco blog instead. Like sandwiches, they have pretty much an infinitesimal possibility of manifestation, which is to say you can put like, whateeeeever you want in them, until the end of time, and never run out of amazing ideas, and they're a heckavalot easier to assemble. Just harder to eat, I suppose. But I dare you to eat a plate of tacos, and not be smiling after. I fucking dare you.

To quote a taco enthusiast friend, "My life is dope, I do dope shit." The only attitude that matters when there are tacos in front of you.

So here's a classic taco-inspired sandwich. I totally just ran out to get some nice tortillas, 'cause that's what I'll be doing with the rest of my Sunday. 

THE POPPY pistachio + strawberry + plum + cheddar

Life is rosy folks. (Is how I started off this post when I began the draft TWO MONTHS AGO. Following is a more whiny post of how I'm feeling currently.) But I think it's apt that I made such a rosy sandwich for a post about being in such a crummy mood, 'cause it's sort of cheering me up just to look at it. 

What do you do when you have the travel bug, but no real freedom or funds? No, seriously, I'm asking. I'm going a little crazy in my tiny, stiflingly hot sublet in The Junction, save for this one coffee shop I've found that I pretty much want to live at, and should start doing all my computer "work" from. I've been thinking a lot for the past two years, but more specifically since my last move, about moving out of Toronto again, and I think a lot of those could be solved by as little as a two week stint somewhere else. Really, I'm not asking for much. just to get away, and maybe be reminded that Toronto, my first real love, is a place where I really want to be. Having lived in other places, with plenty of new amazing things about them that Toronto doesn't have, I couldn't get Toronto out of my mind. I would talk about it constantly, like an ex you're still hopelessly not over. I missed the music scene. I missed the food and coffee scene. I missed the creativity, and passion, and individualism that goes into every storefront here. Europe totally doesn't have that, save for in small, excepted pockets. So I'm in this constant dilemma of wanting to leave, and in a way being totally ungrateful for what an idyllic place this is, and thinking I really should just use my powers to change my life here, and make it look like how I want, rather than try to jump ship and build one again somewhere else. How do you know when it's time to let go, or time to (wo)man up? I guess the real answer is it's always time to (wo)man up. Just someone get me outta here for a few weeks or something, k? 

THE NORTH BY pulled pork + grilled pineapple + corn relish + cheddar

It's basically like my favourite week of the year here in Toronto. No, it's not Christmas/NYE, or my birthday. It's NXNE (North by North East). It's like a prolonged Wednesday-Sunday weekend of running around the city (read west end), going to an obscene amount of shows, as if for sport. There are awesome shows going on in all the dozen of usual venues, and like 30 others I don't go to, free concerts at Yonge + Dundas square, so many bands, free in-stores at record shops, and lots of official/unofficial events like the Toronto Island Vice takeover, or the many years running Great Heart Festival, which is pretty much a big park concert where bands do semi-acoustic arrangements of their songs, and it gets filmed and put online for everyone to relive the greatest time of year all year round. 

North 'By', as it's generally called is always an amazing time, some unforgettable sets, but a general blur of a weekend, what with the constantly jetting off to see another band somewhere, and continually evaluating whether you're too day-drunk to bike. It's something my friends and I highly anticipate, some of us months in advance, but come festival Sunday, no one wants to do anything but shovel BBQ and tacos into our mouths. The crowds at Sunday shows can be pretty sparse.

Anyway, this year I was pretty lazy and only went to like 2 shows a night, and none of the daytime parties or house shows. And I had a blast. Here's my NX Sunday sandwich special. If you're in Toronto and you've been "festive", you know this is what will keep you going, just one more night folks!

THE FESTIVAL SPECIAL chicken + avocado + nectarine + onion sprouts

So I just worked this music festival in Toronto this weekend, Field Trip music fest

THE NEIGHBOURHOODWICH pork sausage + roast fennel + mushroom pâté

So, basically every day for the past year, I wake up, eat one of 3 rotating breakfast options, later I eat a salad, and by the end of the day, I'll probably have eaten a same-ish version of a vegan, viet-style soup. I didn't used to be like this! I used to make the same thing no more than 3 times. Then onto the next idea. My eating has become so routine, that even the things I do to break the routine, like occasionally making sandwiches for blog purposes, and eating things like, *gasp* bacon, have become routine. So I went into my local deli/sandwich supply magical happy house, determined to try something new. They make these really nice sounding apple and sage sausages ('cause who really thinks sausages look all that appetizing), and this weirdo mushroom pâté that just sort of spoke to me. It was nonchalantly crying out "why not?" And then I went out and bought fennel. Because honestly, fennel kind of scares me, as my only encounter with it had been one time using someone's strongly fennel flavoured toothpaste in the morning without realizing I was not to be expecting mint. Anyway, there's really nothing better in life, in general, than breaking routines, exploring, and finding out there are all these other things you can add to your life that you can enjoy, along with all the things you already have to do so. Which I guess is really the point of this blog. Yay for more things in life that are nice. Especially when they are things that you can eat!!!

THE WEEKEND CLUB pulled chicken + bacon + peameal bacon + guac!

I got 99 problems... and I'm trying to mask each one with a layer of this sandwich. And I think I'm like 96 layers short. 

Seriously though. Yesterday, I confessed to my new roommate that I've been pilfering his peanut butter, so the next jar was on me. His response? "That's ok, I'm post-food. I'm doing Soylent now." Like WTF? This, coming from the guy who makes his own kimchi. I know he's probly not serious about doing it longterm, but you literally couldn't pay me to not eat, and enjoy food. Sometimes, that's all I have. 

"But what if it was cheap, fast, and you never had to worry about nutrition again?" 

"Well, I can tell you, nutrition is barely in the top 5 reasons of why I cook food." 

"Well what if you knew you could end world hunger, but it only worked if everyone was on Soylent?" 

"Well. Well... well, I guess I'd probably be one of those assholes with a front lawn farm, and trading butter on the black market."

GRINGO chilli + black bean + guac + bacon + egg breakfast sandwich

So I went to a rave last weekend, and as it turns out, I LOVE RAVES. Which is what I texted to at least 5 people still half in a stupor then next day. At first, when my roommate invited me, I was like "What am I going to do at a rave?" I hate repetitive electronic music, and I don't do M. But I'm usually down for something new, especially on a Sunday night of a long weekend, with no good shows on. As it turns out, I've been to several raves, while in Berlin. I don't know why I was expecting any more nonsense than some floodlights in an empty factory unit. I don't even remember what the music sounded like, I just know that I got in, my brain shut off, and I danced. And may or may not have danced with a super babely dude who actually gave me the idea for this sandwich many weeks ago, while comparing hangover breakfasts of the day. All in all, I learned something about myself, which is that my life could use more raves, and defo more harmless makeouts. They're like, at least as good as elaborate breakfasts sandwiches. Was definitely buzzing from all of it all day. YAY RAVES.

THE B-L-CHEESY double grilled cheese BLT

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH MONTH POST #7

Let's all pretend it's still April, April being grilled cheese month. I actually made this sandwich, along with the last 10, and next 10 posts like WEEKS ago now, but hey, it's not like this is my day job. Looking for housing in this zero decent vacancy city kind of became my day job for a while. I'm finally out of my money haemorrhaging loft. I already miss that big space, those windows, the ceiling height you find no where else in Toronto, but hey, it's also not fun to watch your friends hopping on planes, and travelling, when you're like, "COOL, I'm gonna hold down the fort here... in my expensive-ass apartment, in this expensive-ass city, close to nowhere else good, and sacrificing food explora$ion for floor$pace. But you know it's time to move when you can buy a house in Detroit for less than your monthly rent. I'm way further west in town now, in a kind of perfectly shabby house, good enough to stay a while, but definitely giving me pangs to move. Far away. But it's also kind of great, because I feel like I'm in a totally new land. Quieter, cheaper, I don't know a single bar around here, and everything closes at fucking 9. It's almost like being back in France. Almost... 

RAMEN GRILLED CHEESE

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH MONTH POST #6

HEY GUYS. Fuck, as usual, I have like 10 entries all photographed and ready to be posted, but I got mega behind on writing... because I hate writing... and also, this 10 week and counting housing search continues! It's so distracting, it's like having a second job! Or in my case, a job. J/k prospective landlords, I am self employed, and I make an income, it just can feel like I do nothing sometimes, because I am always at home, and usually avoiding working, or feeling like I'm not working enough. Shit, I watch too many foreign affairs journalism shorts. Maybe that's why I'm in a constant existential crisis. I need more doughnut and cake blogs in my life or something. ANYWAY, so me and my future roommate have been really picky, and it's like it's impossible to find a decent 2-3 bedroom in this city for less than like $900/room. Because we've been looking for so long, and I really have to move out of my glorious loft this week, we actually found this incredibly cheap and awesome sublet, which will hopefully be home for the next few months, maybe even the whole summer. Look out for a new backsplash, and some really awesome sandwich collabs with the new roommie. And you'll see how behind I am by counting how many entries it takes for the backsplash to change...

THE LITTLE PAINTER tuna melt grilled cheese

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH MONTH POST #5

Hey, remember when you're 5, and your days are about watching cartoons, and painting, wearing a plastic smock, while listening to Quarks and Quarks on Saturday afternoons? And a special occasion is when your parents make tuna salad sandwiches? My life is pretty entertaining, but sometimes I find myself thinking... those were the days.

THE BENDER vegetarian mushroom poutine grilled cheese

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH MONTH POST #4

This is another delicious food collab with the amazing human being Reiss Reid. 

Sometimes, I really take for granted how region-specific your daily food options can be. I mean, Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world, with over half of its residents born outside Canada, and yes, that translates to an unending list of options of culturally in tact, authentic foods from all over the planet. Toronto really does have one of the best food cultures I've ever seen, in person, or on tv. But why does Toronto have like 10 kraft poutine places, and a giant lack of taco trucks?? No matter. The point is more so about what you can get here, and not elsewhere. Like, who knew, the proud Québec import, poutine (fries, gravy, cheese curds), should actually be a big deal? It is kind of like putting the 3 shittest foods together, something I stand by saying, you really have no business eating unless you're super drunk. But omg, when it's 3 am, and you are super drunk with your new instabestie from the UK, and you find out he's never eaten pouting, OR A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH, you fucking get on that shit. So yea, you better fucking bet we went for some 3 am sweet potato fry poutine, and then dreamt up this vegetarian mushroom gravy poutine grilled cheese.

#18 avocado + brie grilled cheese

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH MONTH POST #3 

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH DAY, APRIL 12th! 

I'm gonna take a minute to talk about my hilariously(pitiably) stunted maturity, and my total inability to be in a relationship. And if you don't see what that has to do with sandwiches, just think about what kind of person would have a blog dedicated to their undying love of sandwiches. It's been an on-off relationship that runs longer than any I've had, romantically speaking, with like, a boy-person. I always joke around that I don't really date people, but I will make exceptions when I have to. Sandwiches are simple. People are so... ugh. Dating is complicated.

I haven't really dated anyone in a really long time, and the latest was like, a personal record in how fast it died. We weren't even technically dating, if anyone can illuminate the rest of us on what that word actually means, but you know when you're not really dating someone, but then you're definitely not dating them, because it just kind of disintegrates into no more texting? It's not like it was going anywhere, but I will say, if you laugh at my humour, and when I try to cram my fist in your mouth for no reason, you're probably someone I want to continue hanging out with more. Also, great spooner. But I should have known to just cut it loose when I asked him what his sandwich request would be, and he said avocado and brie. 

THE ALSACE pork schnitzel + apple + cabbage + grilled cheese

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH MONTH POST #2

Ok, so I've never been to Alsace. But Official International Grilled Cheese Sandwich month continues with this this awesome sandwich, what I consider to be the perfect blend of my acquired French and German food influences. I had never been the biggest pork fan, but when you're broke, and sort of living in a squat, and maybe cooking off a hot plate... you get resourceful with what you've got, and I definitely believe that I can enjoy pretty much any food, in the right context. Wait, what? Yes, it was an INTERESTING time in my life, ok? Actually, probably the best, and it reminds me of a great quote I saw on Humans of New York recently: 

"I think I’m happiest when I’m broke.""Why’s that?""Because I can always find a good meal. But when I’m broke, I can’t afford to do the things I shouldn’t be doing."

THE SCARFACE SUPERBABE jalapeño + bacon jam mac 'n cheese

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH MONTH POST #1

YOU GUYS. Today is the beginning of GRILLED CHEESE MONTH, and I've got one god-damn-ass-hell of a grilled cheese for you. I'm really fucking excited about this post for two reasons. It's one of the raddest sandwiches I've ever done, and I finally had Scarlett over for lunch. She's someone I've seen around a lot, and have been aware of for a while, but we've never really gotten to know eachother outside of running into eachother at shows and stuff. The other week, she posted on one of my instagram sandwich photos "For the love of god can I please come over for lunch," and of course I was like, "Fuck yea, I would love that." She's one of those people who seems to know everyone, not at all for the sake of it, but in the way that she actually has bottomless, and sincere friendship to spread around. She's really creative, in a bunch of musical projects, and I've been creeping her photography for months. It's totally up my alley, and something I find really personally inspiring. She's a photographer for hire, she's got great dj skills, from what I've learned by going by her bar, and she's pretty much just got good taste, and does what she likes. And she's always wearing great vintage, which I totally appreciate, and isn't so play it safe, like me, which I totally revere. Anyway. A creative, and all around good person. Good vibes. Really great to talk to. #girlcrush. (Oh, and if you're concerned with where I got the name, that's just how she's saved in my phone.)

PRESENTING: PICKLES garlic dills + bacon + roast potato

PICKLES! Pickles, pickles, pickles! I've never been a pickle person, I so I knew I had to dive face-first, and make a pickle sandwich. So I went to my local sandwich fixin'z spot The Hogtown Cure, a little naive, but willing, and wanting for pickles. The owner is this really super nice guy who always says hi, and asks you how your day is going, and you can tell he's always just trying to keep a lid on his passion for the meats and cheeses he curates, and all the top shelf canned products on hand. The enthusiasm is right at the surface, and he jumps at the chance to let it out. Well, I'm always all ears, and this time, I guess I asked too many questions, because after about 5 minutes of pickle talk, an order of "one sandwich worth of your bacon," and then some other impulse purchases, he turns to me and says, well, anyway, the point is my cover is blown. I don't know why I like the anonymity so much. I'm a pretty fucking chatty person, but I also kind of like the sandwich thing to be some sort of a secret. I guess I've been rethinking the nameless, faceless nature of this blog this year anyway. And trying lots of other new things. Like pickles.